OK...now it's my turn

Due to an unexpected lack of thought...I'm imposing a brief sabbatical until the New Year.

I wish everyone a bright, prosperous and always fashionable New Year!!!

Welcome 2010.

Santa Takes A Holiday

His job is done so he's hittin' the highway!

Twelve Christmas DONT'S When . . .

. . . these are your real life parents!
1.)  Don't be playing with Dasher's sleighbells (no matter how much he likes it!)
2.)  Don't call the Elves "Pocket Gays".
3.)  Don't try to out-maneuver Dancer, Prancer or Comet - you will lose every time.
4.)  Don't act like a Vixen all around town.
5.)  Don't invite little boys to come sit on your lap.
6.)  Don't buy ALL your toys at the local "love boutique".
7.)  Don't go breaking Cupid's heart.
8.)  Don't steal Dad's suit and use it for a Halloween costume.
9.)  Don't make plans with Donner and not show (you will never hear the end of it).
10.) Don't tell everyone your little black book is really the Naughty or Nice List.
11.) Don't try out-drinking Blitzen or you end up looking like Rudolph.
And lastly . . .

12.) Don't EVER send your friends with blogs a picture of your real life parents!!!

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Eleven Outdoor Figures

Are the two penguins playing the role of Wise Men for the Nativity?  There's just a whole lot of Holiday in that tiny urban lawn.

Ten Lords A-Leaping

OK, maybe just one Lord, and not quite leaping - but strange enough to be worth repeating.

Ninety-Six Lawn Ornaments

This would ALMOST be worth a trip back to the burbs at night to see the full effect.  Almost.

Eight Bows A-Wreathing

Time to cut-off the eggnog open bar at the decorating party . . .   jeeeeez.  Less IS more.

Seven Eggnogs A-Splattering

Six eggnogs is the limit . . . someone went for that fatal holiday seventh.

Size Six Jeans . . .

. . . on a size 12 holiday butt.  Yes, Virginia, they DO make your butt look big.

Five Golden Toilet Paper Streamers

Just where does one buy gold lamé toliet paper?  And does it really belong up there suspended from the ceiling?

Four Splitting Seams

Festive touch with the red socks to divert attention downward away from the hardest working seams in the city! 

Three French Hems

Just how many waistbands does one need on a pair of jeans?

Two Falling Boobs . . .

That's not the way to get on Santa's "nice" list.

A Man in a BIG Fur Coat

Every year some guys just need the Holiday reminder:
DON'T DRINK and DON FUR COATS.

Fashion Train Wreck (Reader Submission)

. . . and that's being forgiving.

Run Run Dasher!

Dasher for $4.99 ?!?!?!?

Maybe I take this one too personally, but that's an INSULT!

Man with the Santa-Lawsuit! (Reader Submission)

"Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.Great stories. But two things made me take it down.


First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."

Not Sure If . . .

. . . he's from Vatican City or just on his way to Grandma's house?

Where to begin?

. . . oh wait,  I have it . . .  how about just - NO.  NOT EVER.

OMG - BUSTED!

Thank goodness someone called the hair police on Mr. Big Boy hair flip.  He looks shocked - quick, get him a mirror.

Tales of Tiger's Escapades?

. . . perhaps bad timing for a new product launch.

By All Means . . . Take The Kids!

. . . and a carriage in the pedophile tree!

White Trash Grillin' . . .

. . . but what do you expect from Arkansas?

Hair Raising Politics

Would it be too much to ask for a current Chicago, or even Illinois, politician to have something even remotely resembling decent hair?  Are we doomed to the Blagojevich-tress-mess as well as corruption? 

A New Twist on the DailyDON'T

Since I've tragically destroyed my camera, I will be using other temporary techniques to highlight some of Chicago's "needless tragedies".

NOTE:  The answer to last Saturday's farm equipment quiz is now posted in the comment section of that posting.

DON'T You Just Love . . .

. . . the festive, mixed use of farm machinery in the rural midwest?
(I'll buy a drink for the first person who can identify this piece of equipment.)

Just Too Cute . . .

. . . he may not be able to save you from being trapped in an avalanche, but at least he has the all important keg!

Daily DON'T Litter

There are some odd things found on Chicago streets . . . but a leftover tail from Halloween?

Daily DON'T Litter

Someone is going to freak out when they can't find the remote.

Yes Virgina, Santa Claus Has Lost His Mind

Target opens at 5am Friday morning.

K Mart opens at 4am Friday morning.

Walmart opens at 6am on THANKSGIVING (you know - the holiday) and remains open constantly until Friday night.



Now why would the rest of the world consider the U.S. to be greedy, materialistic, selfish, egotistical and to have lost all sense of priority and decency?

Do These Pants Make My Butt Look Big?

Run Red Racer, Run!

Soccer Mom Wins Millions in Lottery!

. . . but maintains her lack of fashion sense.

Red Eye Meets His Long Lost Brother, Red Stripe

All About Aveda

Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy makeover.

Delta Dawn, What's That Flower You Have On?

These Boots Are Made for Walkin' . . .

. . . but I have no idea what that skirt was made for.  Not her, that's for sure.

Which way to Woodstock, Man?

Holy Jimi Hendrix.

You know it's a tough economy when . . .

. . . the sale banners start popping up all over the hood.






But this is a little too much "sharing" for me.

As They Say . . .

. . . opposites attract.  No, it's not his daughter, it's his date.  Trust me, I saw the kiss.

Brought to you in Living Technicolor . . .

Two overflowing flip flops, granny's skirt, fuzzy sweater, fur-trimmed coat with her mini-tweed hon.

Climbing the Corporate Ladder . . .

. . . or just stealing it?

Fashion Intervention

Woman in Black is stabilizing the poor victim while the Woman in Blue calls for back-up.

He's not getting it yet.

Next stop . . . Pookieville.

Doors open on nauseating at Pookieville.

Baby it's Cold Outside . . .

. . . so stop shivering and bitching about how cold it is to whomever you were yapping to on your cell phone and put on some damn PANTS, would ya?

The Devil Bares Nada

Good quality design, attention to detail and wow - nice trident there, Satan.  But, tell Richard I saw all the pictures that he sent for that feature on the Chicago police troopers and they're all so deeply unattractive.

Is it impossible to find a lovely, slender, Chicago policeman? Am I reaching for the stars here?

Hmmm . . . Not really.

Severe Issues: One More Pumpkin Tale

The brutal, senseless murder of an innocent pumpkin. . . this carver has some serious "Jack The Ripper Meets Norman Bates" issues.




And THIS carver. . . while talented in the creative process and his use of materials. . . has a quite different set of "issues".